Being Sean Gosewisch

11.11.10 (Happy Armistice Day, where all shops close in France)


Chaaambourd!



Civray, France


Lesson #1: Hurricanes never disappear; they merely rush on to Europe.
Lesson #2: Sunglasses are of no use in Central France during November.
Lesson #3: "Waterproof" means nothing.

As you can tell, we are simply having a ball riding through the most rural part of France during monsoon season. If it weren't for the nifty neoprene booties I purchased, my feet would not allow me to continue in this weather. Ah, but who doesn't like hours of riding at half speed into a driving wind that makes the rain feel like flechettes? That's right. I don't.

One other man who does not care for flechettes except for their appropriate and controlled use in certain combat situations would be Sean Gosewisch. I had the unique pleasure of getting to know the man behind the iron mask, as it were, in this exclusive CycloQuest-only interview. Check it out! For your health.

“An Interview with Sean Dylan Gosewisch: Directeur Extraordinaire”

Conducted by: Robert J. Kenney, Esq.

BK: Hello Sean. Or should I say: Bonjour?

SD: You probably shouldn't.

BK: Yes, very good. Let me begin by asking thee these questions trois: Vhat, is your name?

SD: Sir Goose to some.

BK: Vhat, is your quest?

SD: To Cycle to Rome!

BK: Vhat, would be an appropriate third question?

SD: Blue, no, wait... (Explosion, followed by a scuffle, followed by the sound of a single hand clapping)

BK: Now, let us begin in earnest. Sean, it has been said by many a passerby and acquaintance on “the road” that you have a certain “knack” for whistling. In fact, you are whistling right now. Why do you whistle? If you had a whistle, would you blow it constantly? How about a pink dog whistle?

SD: I whistle because it makes me forget my terrible childhood. But really just because it sounds better than my voice, and who doesn't like a well-known tune every now and then? Or constantly in my case. We both know it's only socially acceptable to blow whistles at demonstrations and sporting events. You don't remember buying me a pink dog whistle to mark our 2^nd month on the road together? I'm hurt.

BK: As well you should be, after eating all those razorblade cookies! On the subject of “Sound, Motion, and Aesthetics,” what song is in your head RIGHT NOW? Are there any songs that keep you going​? Any that make you yearn for home?

SD: Right now it's Journey's “Only the Young”; previously, it was “Hotel California” for days on end. I wouldn't say that there's a certain song or two to hum on those dark days – I don't really operate like that. Music does not have the power to motivate or demotivate me; it rather serves to make me reminisce. Oddly, music does have the power to make me think of home, that's funny in't it? Simon and Garfunkel tend to take me back home.

BK: So we've breached the topic of home. What do you miss most about that far-off place? Have any of our travels or experiences thus far reminded you of Illinois or your own home?

SD: I'm pretty sure I'm going through deep-dish and peanut butter withdrawals, and I miss the people I've left behind (making it sound like I'm never coming back). Having a home was nice. The occasional – and I stress “occasional” - flat farmland reminds me briefly of the old Ill, but I never really lose sight of where I am. I'll have plenty of time in Illinois. I try to enjoy this as much as possible: I'm making the most of a great

opportunity.

BK: Food: Everyone eats it, no one sings songs about it, and a few people use their straws to blow bubbles in their soup. What have been some of your favorite dishes we've sampled, creations we've made, desserts we've devoured, and (culinary) experiences we've had?

SD: That is one hell of a question. We've sampled so much it's hard to remember, and we still have 2 very food-friendly countries to go. It would be too early to make a definite call, but I dug the Irish stew, the English Toad in the Hole, the BK stir fry, roast duck and Bouchee a la Reine from France, and the damn good Belgian chocolate.

BK: And the damn good salty licorice?

SD: Ooh yeah, add that in! Groin grabbingly good! Dutch salty licorice and its sweet counterpart.

BK: A word on Fox's, s'il vous plais.

SD: Scrum-diddly-umptious. Seriously, the English have perfected their “Biscuits.”

BK: On three separate occasions, we have tried cheesecake in Ireland & England, and it sucked. What the hell?

SD: For whatever reason, they think cheesecake means “tasteless cream on soggy graham,” and that somehow passes with the masses. For shame, England and Ireland, stick with your cookies. Let the pros handle the cheesecake.

BK: If you could be any one cheese, which would you be & why?

SD: Hmm, I would have to say Amsterdam cheese. It was a pleasant surprise to find, and who doesn't like pleasant tasty surprises? Pleasant, tasty, creamy, yellow cheesy surprises are my favorite.

BK: Other than those involving billions of Euros, I'm sure. More importantly, if you could be any British lake sounding like a foghorn, which English lake sounding like a foghorn would you be & why?

SD: There can only be one... BLAGDOOON!

BK: Speaking of Non-Mainland Europe, can you briefly describe the fateful Ring of Kerry crash? How much fear was in my scream, 1-10?

SD: Everyone can see the pictures, no one can replay the events over and over again in their nightmares, NO ONE. But it was god-awful from my perspective. Hearing that terrified and somewhat angry yell (a 10 on your scale), looking back and seeing you tumble over your 3 pieces of bike and hit the pavement hard... it was scary for me, too, just a little less painful. I was very relieved to see you get up quickly.

BK: Yeah, my bounce-up-and-continue-moving-forward reflex kicked in immediately. By now, we've seen a fair bit of Europe: Ireland, Northern Ireland, Wales, England, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, and France. Which country boasts the best scenery? Which the friendliest folk? Which the crappiest weather? And which the prettiest women?

SD: The best scenery thus far has to go to Ireland, Luxembourg, and bits of France. Ireland easily has the friendliest. Not that people in the others are dicks or anything. Ireland just has an over-abundance of welcoming folk. Each country has all had their bright sunny days and the dark stormy rains, and winter/late fall isn't the best benchmarker. The prettiest women? Well, some countries have a lot more to choose from... and better genes... and they picked up on braces... and hygiene. Toothbrushes help, ladies.

BK: Is “Leffe” synonymous with “drink of the gods” or “God of the drinks?”

SD: If you've tried Leffe, then you don't need me to explain it. If you haven't tried it, I still won't explain it. Just go try it.

BK: On the subject of beer, how do you feel about the switch from multiple pubs in every town to multiple bakeries? (Church is a constant.)

SD: I like having bakeries on every corner more than pubs, mostly because it's easier to eat a ton of bread and bike than down a few (dozen) and head on out. But the pubs had their charm, and the bakeries their delicious goodness. Somewhere there must be a happy middle with pubs and bakeries. I could live in that place.

BK: I noticed you were growing out a little something-something there on your face. Hobovember?

SD: I'm going for the Gillespie Look. I think I have about 10 years to go.

BK: Few can master that technique. Now, a toughie: of all the friends we've made, which have been the most meaningful and which the most enjoyable?

SD: Wow, that's incredibly tough to answer. We've met so many people, and been taken in by the kindest and most generous folks this hard world has to offer. I honestly cannot choose one person or family over the other. From planned stops with people we know, to the strangers and saviors that take in two ragged and weary lads, we have many to tank and none to forget. They were all enjoyable, and they've easily made this trip for me. If they read this, I want to say thank you again; your kindness shall not be forgotten but rather passed on.

BK: Truer words ne'er been spake. Just a passing thought: Have you ever ballroom danced to an Irish folk song with another man of the same gender? Why did you not later “Rock the Boat?”

SD: Funny you should ask, I was just telling a random stranger how one night in Ireland, a little town called Listowel, I suddenly found myself without a partner for a song. What's a lad to do when everyone else is twirling around, and there's narry a lass to be seen? Why, you throw social acceptability into the wind and link arms with the nearest man, who happened to have the same idea and also happened to be the owner of a certain blog. And I didn't rock the boat because that would have been a little too homoerotic for this long fellow.

BK: Who is Mark Gewurtz?

SD: I have yet to figure that out, but he makes one hell of a dessert. I'd like to thank him the next time he comes and eats Kougelhopf with me.